His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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