Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
