I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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