fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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