id be glad to
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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