I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
