I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
