he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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