I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think my moral compass just broke
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