community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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