Fuck appropriateness.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
