I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
