If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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