Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
