so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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