You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
