You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
