I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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