If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
