So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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