I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
