Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
