if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
