How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
