If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
