her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
