She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
