I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
