This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
