Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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