Barsexuality is the new black.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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