a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
