This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
