Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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