White coat. Heels.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
