I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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