can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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