smell my finger.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
