batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
