All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They took my balls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
