am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
