You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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