It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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