The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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