My boss' voice literally gives me gas
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
