I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
