just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
