I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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