we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
