apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
