i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
