Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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