what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
