my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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