I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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