pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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