just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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