Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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