I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
