the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
