woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
