We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
