I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fuck appropriateness.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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